MsKitka.com

Background

After finding out on Saturday night that Chez Parée didn’t have any lap dancing, Zod and I headed out to find a club that did. I knew that this club was located near Dunn’s (an amazing smoked meat joint) and I suggested we check it out.

Girls

After going to Chez Parée and seeing the voluptuous dancers with bad tan lines and horrible dance skills, I went to Château du Sexe thinking that the girls couldn’t get any worse. I was wrong. These girls looked like rejects from Chez Parée… either they were way too tall, way too short, way to skinny or way too fat.

This club had a wide variety when it came to body types and skin colours. There was a good mix of different races, but the quality of women was pretty bad.

No one should ever go into a strip club remarking on how much sexier the waitresses are compared to the strippers!

Stage Dancing

The stage dancing was a little better than Chez Parée (if you can get past the women’s physical beauty). The stage is only about half the size of Chez Parée but it makes it a bit more intimate… too bad I didn’t really find anyone attractive!

Lap Dancing

The sign outside the club said “Danse Contacte” so we figured that this place would definitely offer some fine and grindy lap dances. We were wrong.

The dancers paid absolutely no attention to Zod and I, so it was really hard to flag anyone down for a lap dance… and it seemed that the one girl I found acceptable was in great demand amongst other people, so it took forever to get any lap service.

When I finally did go to the back of the club for a dance, the girl I chose turned out to be a huge disappointment… she hardly touched me and was totally not interested in pleasing me. She guided my hand along her breast and ass and allowed me to touch her a little bit and she took my fingers and made me pull on her nipples (totally not hot, in my opinion). I was also disappointed by her slightly saggy natural breasts… I guess I just happen to prefer implants on my strppers…

If Montreal is the lap dancing capital of North America, then what is LA? The lap dances I got at 4Play were a zillion times better than anything I got here at this Montreal club. I want to go back to LA… or move there and get lap dances every week… but instead I’m stuck in the famed “lap dancing capital of North America”. Yeah, right.

Club Ambiance

Yet again, I received no attention from any of the girls at the club. I was not approached by anyone offering to give me a lap dance… it was very cold. Gees, if they really want our money don’t you think they should try and hit us up for some?

Only one word can describe the club decor… “dingy”. The stage lighting was okay, but the club was dark and seedy. The ugly women went around sitting down and talking with the customers (except for Zod and I, of course) and walked briskly back towards the lap dance boothes after successfully reeling in a customer.

The music was alright… but I guess I wouldn’t be crazy about the music in any club unless I were the DJ! The music they played most at this club was Hip Hop and R&B. You can tell that the club has a specific clientèle… black men, young suburban party posses and tourists.

Payment/Pricing

Admission to the club was $5/person… and yes, women have to pay to get into this hellhole. Zod then tipped the bouncer another fiver to get us a couple of seats by the stage.

Drinks at the club were a bit cheaper than Chez Parée… a Coke cost $6 instead of $7.50!

Lap dances cost $10/song… no wonder why they were so busy!

Review (out of 5 stars):

Girls (physical beauty): 1 star

Girls (stage dance skills): 2.5 stars

Girls (lap dance skills): 1 star

Club ambiance: 2 stars

Background

The last time I went to Chez Parée was in the summer of 2004. It was my first time going to a strip club and I had a great time going with a big group of guys and my friend Jen. At the time, the club was known to have the most beautiful strippers in Montreal. The women I saw were quite beautiful, except for one that had a strange skin problem, and I didn’t know much about erotic dancing so I couldn’t comment on the stage dancing… all I knew was that the private dances looked really boring.

Girls

The girls at Chez Parée have changed over the past year. Last year the women were quite fit with implants, but this year the employees were more voluptuous. All of the women were caucasian and most of them had a similarly horrible hair dye job.

The only woman that stuck out at me was a tall slim blonde who danced to Franz Ferdinand. Unfortunately, she had mosquito bites for breasts… if she had larger breasts, I would definitely have wanted her for a lap dance. Other than that, I often winced when some of the women removed their clothing… there were so many chunky women with awful tans (not to mention the ugly tan lines!).

Stage Dancing

The stage dancing was annoyingly standard; there were only a couple of girls who could really use the pole, but hardly any that could really dance. I got annoyed when a few men who were sitting by the stage cheering on the ugly talentless strippers… there were certainly no reason to cheer. I was very disappointed with the stage performances.

The worst part is that the Chez Parée web site boasts that their dancers are rated “No. 1 in Montreal”. Well, I’ll be the judge of that… thank you.

Lap Dancing

The last time I was at Chez Parée I got a two-woman table dance. During the ‘table dance’, the women danced at our table on a small portable stage that looked like a drum. This time, I was hoping to get a full-contact grinding lap dance but when we asked the waitress about lap dances she cheerily said, “We don’t have lap dances, but we do have table dances!”

You know, it’s funny. Someone was just telling me the other day that Montreal is the lap dancing capital of North America… how ironic… and a real waste of time. We spent all that time trying to weed through the chubby leather-faced strippers to decide who is worthy of paying for a lap dance and when we finally ask, we find out we can’t have a lap dance there!

Club Ambiance

The thing I most disliked about this club was the fact that I received no attention at all from any of the strippers. The girls were not only chubby, but they were also cold as ice. They didn’t even try and approach my boyfriend for a table dance… < news-flash >When a man and a woman go into a strip club and sit right in front of the stage, they both want some attention < /news-flash >. This was a big shock after all the attention I received at 4 Play in LA.

The club decor was okay… it seemed almost touristy with the Montreal skyline at the back of the club. The chairs were quite uncomfortable… if I ever go back, I’ll go to the VIP section (hopefully the girls will have lost some weight by then!).

One of the differences I noticed was that the last time I was there I found the ladies washroom disgusting… but this time ladies have to get the bathroom key from security and the bathroom is so much cleaner. Big improvement on that part.

The club was located right next to a big nightclub called La Boom and is actually owned and run by the same owners. Chez Parée itself is a good size, with a large stage of two poles and a smaller stage in the VIP room

The music was pretty standard, a mix of R&B and rock… the only song that really got my attention was a Franz Ferdinand song, but it didn’t work that well as a stripping song (the girl was hot, though…).

Payment/Pricing

There was no cover charge at the door, but Zod slipped the bouncer a $20-bill and we got prime seats at my favorite spot… right up against the stage near a pole.

As usual, drinks at the club cost a fortune… one glass of (iced-up) Coca-Cola cost $7.50.

Review (out of 5 stars):

Girls (physical beauty): 2 stars

Girls (stage dance skills): 2 stars

Girls (lap dance skills): N/A

Club ambiance: 3 stars

Just a quick note to inform you all that I have imported blog entries from when Ms. Kitka’s Red Chronicle was on MSN Spaces. This is why my archives list now starts from April 2005… this is also why some of you may be getting a whole bunch of ping-backs on your blogs from me right now (MSN Spaces didn’t allow for pings/trackbacks to non-MSN Spaces blogs… those Nazis!).

In order to maintain the subject matter of this new site I have not included entries that dealt with my love of sci-fi, my war against Christian fundamentalists or my healthy diet.

Feel free to browse through the categories and archives for old entries, unbuckle your belt, pull down your pants and enjoy the reading.

Not only does Wal-Mart have great prices… but soon they will be stocking sex toys:

Better believe it. Shoppers Drug Mart, the country’s largest drugstore chain, Wal-Mart Canada and a slew of other stores have entered into agreements to stock their shelves, coast to coast, with a new line of sex toys, discreetly called “sexual well-being products.”

The move is especially surprising for Wal-Mart, which doesn’t sell video games rated “adult-only” and recently removed a magazine from one of its stores after a customer complained that it was too sexual.

But Wal-Mart Canada spokesman Kevin Groh said the product line is a good fit, as the company caters to the Canadian mainstream and, as such, carries products that reflect mainstream tastes.

He added, however, that some of Wal-Mart’s customers will undoubtedly disapprove. “It would be naive of us to think every product we stock would meet the approval of every single customer in the store.”

This is a great day for Canadians… By selling sex toys in mainstream stores such as Wal-Mart and Shopper’s Drug Mart, companies have now admitted one of the main differences between Canada and the United States. While American Wal-Marts stock guns, Canadian Wal-Marts will be stocking sex aides.

Make love not war… Shop at Wal-Mart Canada!

I remember when I used to live at home… whenever my parents went away on vacation I would spend a lot of time browsing porn sites. I’d stay up until 2am browsing for some good pics (I couldn’t download video because I was too paranoid that I wouldn’t be able to completely delete it from the family computer!). At the end of the week, knowing my parents were coming home soon, I would wipe everything clean using the follwing (memorized) checklist:

[If you do download/watch videos, remember to make sure that the name or URL doesn’t show up in the history of the software you used to view it. If using Windows Media Player, for example, try randomly opening 10 non-pornographic files in order to remove the porn from the “Recently Played/Viewed” list that shows up when you click on “File”.]

Well, I guess not everyone knows how to clean their computers efficiently:

On average, 70% of re-sold hard-drives and memory cards contain pornographic material according to research carried out on 1,000 hard-drives over the course of a year by Disklabs Data Recovery and Computer Forensics.

Wow… that’s some percentage. Perhaps more people should memorize my checklist, especially if they plan to re-sell of donate their computers. Then again, at least donating a pornography-ridden computer to high schools would help students learn the birds and the bees (especially since there are so many States offering abstinence-only education programs!).

Save the planet; recycle porn!